Fugly is the New Normal

Posted on January 28, 2014 by Melissa M

Scenery that made me wince at its sheer ugliness when I first arrived two months ago is now so ordinary that I don’t even notice it anymore.

I’ve slid into a funk over the last couple of weeks. The dreariness of the routine and the surroundings has been weighing on me. So, I told myself to stop tuning out and to look around, pay attention, find something to appreciate and get excited about:

Hmm. Easier said than done. Better look somewhere else:

Uhhhh…

Erm….

Ok, what about over there?

Yeaaaaahhhh. Wow.

Ok, Melissa, try looking through your art gallery glasses…

Note how the masterful draping of sniper screen conceals the fence, and yet, at the same time, reveals it! The fringe of ancient plastic on the barbed wire stands in strong juxtaposition to the assertive pops of blaze orange and the saucy red stripes on the yellow bollard. The artist’s fury and hilarity are aggressively in your face, serving to distract the casual viewer from what the contemplative observer discovers upon careful study: despair. And dust.

Oh, looky! Sunshine sparkling on concertina wire:

Pretty!

Hey, check out the awesome progress on the construction project in front of the Garrison building:

(Tilting head and squinting)

(More tilt, more squint)

Ok, this isn’t working. Face it, Bagram Air Field is one very ugly military installation. But, we’re here to win a war not a beauty contest so I guess I’d better stop hoping for my surroundings to provide inspiration and start finding ways to love the ugly — like people do with those creepy hairless cats.

Cat photo credit: petslittle.com

But I digress…

Ok, ratcheting expectations way down. Down farther. Little more… that’s it… keep going…

… and, we’ve arrived here:

See how the port-a-john siding perfectly matches the sky? Niiiiice.

Love Notes from Strangers

Posted on January 12, 2014 by Melissa M

Care packages full of goodies and toiletries and magazines from schools and clubs and individuals are awesome, but the notes they put inside thanking us for our service are my very favorite things to get.

Little kid notes and artwork go right up on the wall in my office:

So cute, right? Adorableness is not something we see a lot of around here, so these notes always make me smile.

No, Tristian, I don’t know your dad, but every time I see a soldier or airman with the name tag “Brown” I think of you!

Notes from veterans are always very special:

Seeing these veteran notes reminds me that my ability to volunteer for this assignment is due to the sacrifices of people who came before me and fought for my country’s freedom. I’m so fortunate and so grateful.

It’s great when people leave an email address, so I can send a thank you note! I send thank you post cards if they include a mailing address.

Notes with coffee are always a big hit:

Any note of heartfelt appreciation is like getting a big hug:

The best item I’ve gotten in a care package to date: Estee Lauder bronzer! I had no idea how much I missed make-up and other girly things until I saw that little compact of magic color!

Most unexpected care package item that I didn’t know I had to have until I saw it: disposable chopsticks from a take-out diner. They’re in my desk drawer in their paper wrapper waiting for a special occasion when I can use them at the DFAC. I’m very excited to be able to eat a future meal with chopsticks! (Yes, it really is that boring here.)

Note that made me laugh the loudest:

No, Daniel, YOU’RE a real hero! You and everybody else who goes to the time, trouble, and expense of sending treats and good wishes to people you’ve never met. These love notes from home get us through the long, dark days. Thank you so very much!

Meet My Peeps: Ms. Diann

Posted on January 11, 2014 by Melissa M

My favorite person at Bagram Air Field is an experienced deployer (Kosovo, Iraq, and here) who keeps me on the straight and narrow. She sent me great advice emails before I left home, and since I’ve gotten here she’s been a valuable resource for information about everything from how to find my way around the base to how to get the best deals at the bazaars.

The other night we went to the local spa, she for a manicure and I for a pedicure:

As you can see, she doesn’t care to have her picture taken. And my attempts to trick her into looking toward me while I’m holding a camera are always foiled:

Camera-shy is the only kind of shy she can be accused of. You know how you need people in your life who will call you out when you need to be set right? When you’re messing up or deluding yourself or not seeing the whole picture? Ms. Diann is that person for me — a no-nonsense straight-shooter. She can deliver a one-line zinger so sharp you’d swear it will leave a mark, but she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body. She just tells it like it is.

Example: we’re walking to the DFAC for lunch one day and we pass by the Airman’s Attic. She tells me it’s a “thrift store” where you can turn in uniform pieces that don’t fit anymore and replace them with other sizes if you gain or lose weight. I’ve dropped a few pounds since I arrived and my trousers are getting a little baggy, so I say, “I might have to go in there and get some smaller pants if I keep losing weight!” Without missing a beat she shoots a look at my ass and says, “You got a ways to go.”

KA-POW!

You can’t get mad at her: she’s always right! If I ever need the unvarnished truth, she’s the oracle I consult. We have a lot of fun together, and I’m so glad she’s taken me under her wing. And I’ve discovered if I’m very patient, and always keep my camera in my pocket, I might catch her in a rare, camera-ready mood:

Note the nice manicure.

Dawn Over the Hindu Kush

Posted on January 9, 2014 by Melissa M

The early morning winter skies can be quite lovely here at Bagram Air Field.

Here’s a view toward the east earlier this week:

The thing that looks like a fish floating in the sky is a balloon called the “Eye in the Sky”. It’s tethered to the ground at BAF and holds all sorts of high-tech cameras and other sensing equipment used to monitor everything on and around the base.

Here’s a view to the west from last month as the full moon was setting just after sunrise:

Sometimes it’s hard to find beauty in this place, especially when you have to keep your eyes on the ground all the time due to ice slicks and ankle-twisting gravel everywhere, but it can be found.

The Honeymoon is Over

Posted on January 4, 2014 by Melissa M

Or: Kick Me! I’m a Dog!

That shiny idealism I’ve been sporting since my arrival here has developed an ugly tarnish. I thought a project I inherited from my predecessor had been reviewed and approved by The Powers That Be here in Bagram, to include my organization and all the other stakeholder organizations. The way it was presented to me, everybody knew the plan and was on board. What could possibly go wrong?

Standing on the snow in the cold, bright sunlight of a Bagram morning recently, I was surprised to suddenly find myself on the receiving end of an aggressive and accusatory dressing-down by a certain military service member. To protect his anonymity, I’ll call him “Major Wedgie”. Major Wedgie verbally tore me apart in front of Everybody’s Big Boss – let’s call him “The General” – and his entourage and my chain of command for failing to know what he knew about the project, which was entirely different than what I had been briefed and thought I knew. I had no satisfactory answers for Major Wedgie, who seemed to get a real charge out of shredding me in front of The General.

As a fun bonus, when The General asked who is “the dog who gets kicked” over this project going forward, the non-response from my chain of command prompted me to raise my hand and say, “Me, sir.” Brilliant. (Another New Year’s Resolution: never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut, dumbass!)

Back at the office, I’m trying to reconcile what I heard from Major Wedgie and my organization during The General’s project site tour with what I was briefed on this project when I first arrived at BAF. It’s not like everything was super wonderful on this project before Major Wedgie came along: I was becoming ever more irritated by the people who declined to participate in the planning stages of the project (and tried to make me feel bad or stupid or small for even considering such a waste of their time) and then were complaining about how the project was executed incorrectly because it wasn’t properly coordinated with all the stakeholders during planning. Seriously? Show up or shut up, people. (New Realization: I’ve been the dog who gets kicked all along!)

The day after the ugly scene in front of The General, Major Wedgie himself came to the Garrison to discuss the project design with my boss. The Environmental Chief/Official Dog Who Gets Kicked Over This Specific Project was not invited to participate in this discussion and didn’t even know about it until it was over. Hmmmm. Perhaps here is a clue as to why I am not informed about what everybody else seems to know.

I’ve experienced several low points, annoyances, insults, and disappointments over the last couple of weeks, so I’m not really the poster child for job satisfaction right now. In fact, I don’t much like myself these days with how useless I feel in this position, which is making me grumpy and snappish. Plus I’m questioning everything I thought I knew to do here, which is exhausting. I’m feeling the tug of a downward spiral. Not good.

Despite these frustrations and the sting of embarrassment at being made a fool of in front of my chain of command, I am going to redouble my efforts to move forward and not let myself get depressed. Like many other deployers I’ve talked to, I’m at just about the right number of weeks into my service here for a standard-issue existential crisis: Why am I here? Can I do any good? When is the next plane to America? I am told this is normal and will wear off, but I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of this particular tunnel.

Must. Push. On.

So go ahead and kick me, General. And you also, Major Wedgie. If making a public spectacle out of humiliating a relatively new civilian (who has been working hard in good faith while you’ve withheld relevant project information) is your way of demonstrating military leadership, it’s pretty clear who’s a dog in this situation. You can bite me, too.

Happy New 2014!

Posted on January 4, 2014 by Melissa M

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are special here at Bagram Air Field. We have happy greetings from Sad Skinny Santa (obviously modeled on the same guy who posed for the Santa in He Sees You When You’re Sleeping…)

And steaks at the Dining Facility (DFAC) (you know it’s steak day when you see and smell the smoke from the DFAC barbecues where they slow cook the beef)

And rocket attacks. (Sorry, no photos.) Because the insurgents like to bomb us on our holidays. So we spent lots of time staggering around in our body armor and helmets, and hitting the ground when the sirens went off.

When I’m face down on the ground with my arms covering my head while I’m waiting for the explosion or the all clear signal, I think about my fellow trainees in Combat Airman Skills Training (CAST). I so admired the apparent ease with which they ran and jumped and accomplished all kinds of difficult and time-sensitive tasks with all their armor and weapons and other gear, while I was slow and clumsy and sometimes needed help getting up because I wasn’t strong enough to pick up myself and all my gear. I worry about them during these attacks because even the ablest of them can’t outrun a rocket. I pray for their safety, and for the safety of all the other people out there on BAF and the other Afghanistan bases. I never really appreciated how comfortable and safe and easy and carefree my life was in America, how I could just walk around assuming I was in no danger; now I’m reminded every time I hear the sirens.

There are lots of people here who’ve done multiple deployments and are totally blasé about these attacks. I’m not one of those people: rocket attacks are scary as hell and they kill people. One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to not take my safety and health for granted, and to be more mindful of how lucky I am that (when I’m not deployed) I live in a place that isn’t a war zone.

Happy New Year! Stay safe, everybody!

Tactical Underwear

one civilian woman's deployment to Afghanistan

Monthly Archives: January 2014